Navy and Orange

baby, mom life ·

how I lost “friends” over nap time

mommy and baby fashion

While this little corner of the internet started as a fashion and recipe based space, life has changed since beginning the blog years ago. The biggest change is me becoming a mom. Either way, I have created this space as a way to inspire and interacting with you guys truly brightens my day and further inspires me to create content.

After a little blurb about nap time getting in the way of mom friendships in THIS POST about being left out on social media, I got a bunch of questions from fellow moms to explain further, share my examples and how I solved it.

Short version: I didn’t solve the issue.

Long version: My kids are 1,000,000,000% the priority. Over everything else. This includes my life, my friends, family and doing what I want to do. Their sleep not only gives me a tiny break, even on those adorable days where I want nothing more but more snuggles, but gives them a break. Their sleep and naps help their brain development, their growth development and keep the rest of their sleep schedule on track. {see so many articles in this quick search.}

Getting my kids to sleep through the night was super important to me. I was always planning on going back to work, so I never thought that sleep training would be an issue, another one of those things that I thought would just magically happen when I had my children. I quickly realized when I was getting up every hour to breast feed Madrid when she was about 3 months that this wasn’t working for my mental health, my husband’s work schedule and Madrid not being one of those “difficult” babies. I quickly, and thankfully found THIS SLEEP TRAINING BOOK and spoke with my doctor, who recommended I feed Madrid more often during the day, as she was quite possibly getting too many feedings at night. My husband’s brother’s wife gave me the good advice that her doctor gave her: “if you woke up and ate a hamburger every morning at 3 am, you would start craving a hamburger at 3 am.” {or veggie burger, if you are a veggie, like me. extra pickles and avocado, please.}

With the help of this book, and my doctor’s advice, and evening cluster feedings, Madrid was sleeping through the night at 22 weeks. She is the sweetest, most compassionate little human ever, but she was a light sleeper as an infant. We would walk her around the house for 45 minutues after 2 am feedings, with her finally falling asleep, only to place her in her bassinet for her to immediately be wide awake from the stillness. Her sleeping through the night, thanks to this book, was a nice change. I didn’t realized how much I was sleep deprived until, like last week.

So back to the naps…

I had worked so hard to sleep train her, get her on a nap schedule {again, I followed the recommendation of this book, according to her age} and wasn’t going to “undo” my hard work. I need a lot of sleep and I quickly realized that Madrid, before we began sleep training her, wasn’t getting enough sleep. You would think that the more little ones sleep the more they are awake, but the more they are asleep the more they sleep. Sleep begets sleep, meaning for them to sleep through the night, and not be overtired, they need a good sleep schedule during the day.

Also, knowing, on those difficult days that I only had to make it to 9am and then again to about 2pm, and then I could also take a nap, get a break, work or hop on the treadmill, made the entire parenting thing not so overwhelming.

So again, back to the friendship ending naps…

My kids are the #1 priority. Their naps during the day made them sleep better at night, not be overtired or over fussy or overwhelmed and me not guilty that I wasn’t giving them all the chances for excellence that I could. I would get nausea {and still do!} waking them up from naps for different things because I knew that I would blame myself if they missed any opportunities, developmental milestones or were fussy. Since about 6 months, both kids napped at about 9am and again at about 1pm. This didn’t give me a bunch of time to meet friends, do activities or just run to the super market.

The mom group I mentioned in THIS POST weren’t all the same as me. Most of their babies napped on the go, their husbands could help during the day when they needed a break, or they simply didn’t mind the middle of the night wakings. I know someone that has a child the same age as Madrid, but their child wasn’t sleeping through the night until they were about 3 years old. That would have done me in. I could barely handle the 22 weeks.

Yes, I loved that both children needed nothing but me in the middle of the night. I loved being quiet in the house with intimate baby moments while the rest of the world was asleep. I loved the smell, the baby noises and the cuddles. But I need sleep.

So…you get it now. Sleep was a priority. Madrid’s nap schedule kept me sane, her happy and us homebound. I have had multiple people make snarky comments about me missing events, playdates or canceling last minute due to naps. But I’m sorry {in the snarkiest voice ever}, my kids napping and being happy is more important than meeting you at the playground, being on time for music class or going for a walk with you. That is me being totally honest.

Yes, my mom friendship keep me sane, have been priceless navigating this new chapter of my life and I have been lucky enough to find some mom friends, that I know will be life long friends, long after the kids are out of the house. But the ones that matter, don’t mind me missing things due to naps. And the ones that mind, don’t matter. If you have a friend, mom friend or not, that is hazing you, giving you a difficult time for doing what you think is best for you kids, or saying passive aggressive insults for what you have decided is best for you and your children, then they don’t matter.

My kids are the most important thing to me and I really made use of the nap times. When it was just Madrid, during her morning nap, I would work and workout and during her afternoon nap, I would nap. When it was Leo and Madrid, during his morning nap, I would play with Madrid and during their afternoon naps, I would clean the house, get dinner ready and work. My family was/ is happy, effiecent and great nappers.

So, I would not be invited to many things during nap times, people would make passive aggressive comments about me being a “nap nazi” and I lost some friendships.

You know what???? The world is still turning and my children are still great nappers. Madrid will shortly be 4 years old and Leo just turned 2. He is currently still napping from 2:30pm as I write this and it is currently 6:29pm. And Madrid is next to me drawing. So while I lost some friendships during the toddler and infant years, my current struggle is missing early evening playdates or dinner dates with friends. Yet the friends I have now, get me and my making naps a priority in my family and work around our nap schedule.

The friends that you have that matter, won’t mind and the ones that mind, won’t matter.

Stick to your guns, trust your mom gut and do what is best for you. Are you canceling a lunch date for the third time because they keep suggesting it during nap time and that just doesn’t sound relaxing to you? That. Is. Ok. Is that mom “friend” hazing you for not meeting them for a playdate as your kids naps better at home and the 3 hours they are awake, you need to run to the market? That. Is. Ok. Have you been left out of social media mom tribe posts because you still take the advice to “sleep when the baby sleeps” even though your “baby” is 18 months old? That. Is. Ok.

Do you think I’m crazy because you realized that I have probably alienated myself from all my mom friends because I am a nap nazi and my kids don’t nap on the go. That is also ok.

All moms are doing their best, what they think is important and what they think is best for their families. And even if they aren’t, they might be pretending. I stuck to my guns about naps because

  1. It is what I thought was best.
  2. It is what I thought made my kids such good sleepers.
  3. It made me feel like I was being a good mom.

Maybe it made me feel like I was taking this role super seriously because I was sacrificing so much: freedom, being at home all the time, friendships. Maybe my strict nap schedule is what made my kids such good sleepers. {I once had a mom “friend” hassle me in a group text, saying my kids slept too much and asking for the hours out of 24 that they slept. Like she wanted my nap math. Insert eye roll emoji}.

Again, your friends with kids will get it. No, never mind, they might not. And maybe you think I’m crazy. But I did this because my kids showed early on that they needed a lot of sleep, that they were better behaved when they did and that I didn’t mind tabling my social life and freedom for these quick and fleeting years.

 

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Comments

  1. Courtney says

    Thank you for writing this, I could have written this whole post myself. We are also crazy about kid/baby sleep and naps and have endured our share of teasing and ridicule from friends and family. We just had to turn down a 1st birthday party invite because it’s during our toddler’s nap time. But it felt so good to hear my mother-in-law say when our oldest was almost 2, “I know I gave you guys a hard time about naps and sleeping in the beginning, but I get it now! She goes down so easily, doesn’t wake up at night and is rarely cranky during the day!” Agreed, we have to do what we think is best for our families. Keep up the good work. 😉

    • Hunter says

      so glad to know that I am not alone! it is what makes my kids so happy and well behaved: a schedule and sleep! xoxo Hunter

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