top: RUFFLE BODYSUIT // jeans: HIGH WAISTED JEANS // shoes: NUDE SANDALS // bag: WICKER CLUTCH {as seen on my homegirl, Meghan Markle!} // sunglasses: LARGE FRAME SUNGLASSES // bracelets: HERMES CLIC CLAC // DAVID YURMAN BRACELET // TURQUOISE BEADED BRACELET
I’m antisocial and socially awkward.
When I tell people this, they laugh. But the problem is, I freak myself out with simple playdates, try to cancel almost all social calendar plans and get wildly insecure before all social interactions. After said social events, it is almost worse. I replay every interaction and everything I said in my head, and get wildly insecure about my sarcasm, my jokes that didn’t make sense and me being “weird.”
I know that “anxiety” is a bit of a buzz word right now, and I totally agree that everyone experiences anxiety about one thing or another. But I wanted to share that just because you see filtered squares of cute outfits, the back of my kids heads or a new online purchase, that doesn’t mean that I don’t beat myself up. That I don’t feel weird. That I am not insecure. {just ask ASHA, my blog photographer. While taking photos, I’m awkward, shaking, sweating and I have worked with her for years! And I always always try to cancel on her because I have such an insecurity about being a “blogger” and you guys actually giving a shit about what I am wearing or how I would style it. Normally, by outfit #3, I am calm, having fun and striking awkward blogger poses while strutting in the middle of the street.}
I have a Big birthday coming up and I have found myself more at peace with … myself. I get insecure and beat myself up for everything that I ate for the previous 36 hours before I go to the pool, for not working out harder because my stomach isn’t flat. But then I tell myself I can pose all I want, not walk around in my bathing suit at the pool or not go at all, but this is real life. I don’t have Britney Spears abs circa 2001, I enjoy wine, champagne, fries and cookies and my body gave me two of the cutest babies you’ve ever seen {but that you’ve probably only seen the back of their heads}.
We have experienced some of life’s difficulties, as we all do: death, birth, loss, cancer, etc. And I always try to refocus when I do find myself beating myself up. I. Have. It. All. and you do too! look at your life with rose colored glasses, at the glass half full and all the things that make you you. Be appreciative for what you have, instead of what you don’t. Be proud of yourself when you meet a goal, whether it be not being late or not being late to a 6:05am OrangeTheory. Don’t let your self doubt or your anxiety crumble your chances of you loving and enjoying your life.
EMPOWERED WOMEN, EMPOWER WOMEN
I hope this post makes you proud to be you, a little less anxious and/or insecure and 1,000% confident in your skin. I hope for the rest of the year, but even if just for the next 5 minutes, I have meet my personal goal to inspire, to build my readers up and to be honest. And to be me.
photos by Asha Bailey
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